How to Try New Things in the Bedroom Together

Why Trying New Things Together Actually Works

Sexual novelty isn’t just about chasing excitement. A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that couples who regularly engage in “self-expanding” activities together, things that feel new, slightly challenging, or outside their usual routine, report measurably higher sexual desire and relationship satisfaction than couples who don’t. The effect shows up even when the new activity has nothing to do with sex directly.

The reason is fairly straightforward. Early in a relationship, almost everything is new. Your brain releases dopamine in response to novelty, and that neurochemical response overlaps almost exactly with the feelings we associate with attraction. Over time, familiarity dampens that response, not because you’ve stopped caring, but because your brain has stopped predicting a surprise. Introducing genuine novelty, even in small doses, partially restores that dynamic.

The mistake most couples make is assuming “new” means “extreme.” It doesn’t. Trying a different room, extending foreplay by twenty minutes, or introducing a single new toy can be enough to shift the pattern. The size of the change matters far less than the fact that it’s genuinely unfamiliar to both of you.

How to Start the Conversation Without It Getting Weird

Most guides skip straight to the ideas. This section is more important than any of them.

The single biggest barrier couples report isn’t a lack of ideas, it’s the fear of bringing it up. Nobody wants to imply that what they currently have isn’t enough, or to hear that their partner isn’t interested in what they’ve suggested. Both fears are normal. Neither means you can’t have the conversation.

Timing and framing matter

Don’t have this conversation in the bedroom, and definitely not immediately before or after sex. A walk, a meal, or anywhere you’re side by side rather than face to face tends to lower the stakes. The physical setup of not directly facing each other makes it easier to speak openly without the interaction feeling like a negotiation.

Lead with curiosity rather than complaint. “I’ve been thinking about trying X together, what do you think?” works better than “we never do anything different.” One is an invitation. The other puts someone on the defensive before the conversation has started.

The yes/no/maybe list

A yes/no/maybe list is exactly what it sounds like: each partner independently marks a list of activities as yes (interested), no (not for me), or maybe (open to discussing it). You only share where your answers overlap. It removes the awkwardness of saying something out loud that the other person might not be ready to hear, and it turns a potentially loaded conversation into a practical exercise with a clear output.

You can find printable versions online, or just write your own based on whatever feels relevant to your relationship.

The traffic-light check-in

Once you’re actually trying something new, a simple traffic-light system keeps communication open without killing the mood. Green means good, carry on. Yellow means slow down or check in. Red means stop immediately. Agreeing on this beforehand means neither person has to manufacture a full sentence mid-moment to say they’re not comfortable, and it normalizes the idea that preferences can shift, even within a single session.

Beginner-Friendly Ideas to Try First

If you’re not sure where to start, the ideas below are low-stakes and genuinely accessible regardless of experience or relationship length.

Change the location

This is the lowest-effort entry point. A different room, a different time of day, or even different lighting shifts the entire sensory context. It costs nothing and requires no prior conversation about comfort levels. For couples who haven’t tried anything new in a while, this is often enough to break a rut.

Scratch-off and card games

Products like The Adventure Challenge (the couples’ intimacy edition) hide activities behind a scratch-off coating, you reveal the idea together and decide whether to try it. The structure solves a very specific problem: the feeling of pressure that comes from one person suggesting something and the other having to evaluate it in real time. When the card decides, neither person is on the hook for the idea. Several versions are developed with sex coaches and sorted roughly by level of boldness, so you can start conservatively.

Introduce massage with intention

Not as a precursor to sex, but as the entire point of the session. Setting a rule that massage won’t lead anywhere changes the dynamic completely. It takes performance pressure off the table and tends to make people more present and more relaxed than they would be otherwise. It’s also a practical way to learn where your partner is most responsive to touch.

Watch something together

Ethical, performer-made adult content exists across a range of styles and preferences. Watching something together, especially something chosen collaboratively, opens a conversation about what each person finds appealing in a way that’s easier than abstract discussion. Sites like Bellesa, Erika Lust, and MakeLoveNotPorn are commonly cited for content that’s made with both performers’ and viewers’ experience in mind.

Sensory Play and Blindfolds

Sensory play covers any activity that deliberately alters how you experience your senses during intimacy. Blindfolds are the most common entry point, and for good reason.

When you remove sight, the remaining senses compensate. Touch becomes more precise, sound becomes more loaded, and anticipation builds in a way that’s genuinely different from a standard experience. Carol Queen, PhD, has described blindfolds as “an incredible way to maximize a sensual experience” specifically because restricting one sense amplifies the others.

How to try it without it feeling staged

You don’t need a dedicated blindfold, a soft sleep mask or a folded scarf works fine. The key is agreeing beforehand on a signal for “I want to stop” (this is where the traffic-light system earns its keep). The person wearing the blindfold should feel completely in control of ending the experience at any moment. That safety is what makes the vulnerability of it actually pleasurable rather than stressful.

Start with touch only, no additional props or tools. Use hands, fingertips, and varying pressure. Once you’re both comfortable with the basic format, you can introduce other textures: ice, a feather, warm breath, or different fabrics. Each adds a layer without dramatically increasing the stakes.

Who it suits and who might want to skip it

Sensory play works well for couples who already have solid communication and trust. If there’s any unresolved tension or a history of feeling unsafe with your partner, it’s worth addressing those things first. Blindfold play amplifies whatever emotional state you’re already in, that’s a feature when things are good, and a problem when they’re not.

Roleplay: How to Actually Make It Fun

Roleplay has a reputation for being either incredibly sexy or incredibly awkward, and the difference between those two outcomes almost entirely comes down to preparation.

The psychological appeal is real. Adopting a character, even loosely, creates distance from your everyday self. That distance lets both people explore desires or dynamics they might feel self-conscious about as “themselves.” It’s not about pretending to be someone else permanently, it’s about borrowing a different context for a few hours.

Start small

Full costumes and elaborate scripts are optional extras, not requirements. The simplest version of roleplay is just agreeing on a scenario beforehand, “we’ve just met at a hotel bar” or “you’re staying after class”, and letting the interaction flow naturally from there. No memorized lines. No performance review afterward.

Dirty talk is often the actual engine of roleplay even when people don’t label it as such. Describing what you’re doing, what you want, or narrating a scenario out loud creates psychological arousal that physical touch alone doesn’t generate. If full roleplay feels like too much, starting with verbal narration is a genuine middle ground.

Safe words are non-negotiable here

Any roleplay involving power dynamics, dominance, submission, capture fantasies, needs a safe word established beforehand. Not because something will necessarily go wrong, but because “no” and “stop” can become part of the scenario itself, which means you need a different signal that unambiguously means the scene is over. A word that would never come up organically works well: “pineapple,” “red,” or anything similarly out of context.

Debrief afterward

A five-minute check-in after trying roleplay for the first time is worth doing. Not a critique session, just “how did that feel for you?” It normalizes the idea that preferences can be adjusted, and it tends to make both people more willing to try again.

Bringing Sex Toys Into the Mix

Sex toys are one of the most reliably effective ways to change the texture of intimacy without requiring either person to dramatically alter their comfort level. The range available now is wide enough that there’s genuinely something appropriate for every starting point.

Choose something together

Browsing together, whether in a physical shop or online, is often where the real value is. The conversation you have while choosing tends to surface preferences and curiosities that wouldn’t come up otherwise. It also means neither person feels like they’re being presented with something the other already decided on.

For couples starting out, a small external vibrator or a vibrating cock ring tends to be the lowest-friction introduction. Both are designed to enhance rather than replace, which makes them feel additive rather than loaded.

What Carol Queen says about couples and toys

This matters because a lot of sex toy marketing treats “couples’ toys” as a separate category. In practice, any vibrator, sleeve, or sensation toy can work for two people, the label is a marketing distinction, not a functional one.

Managing expectations

The first time using a toy together rarely goes perfectly. Angles are awkward, the vibe is in the wrong spot, or someone gets ticklish. That’s normal. The couples who report the most satisfaction with toy use aren’t the ones who nail it immediately, they’re the ones who treat the awkward moments as information rather than failure. Adjusting, laughing, and trying again is part of the process.

For a more detailed breakdown of specific products, take a look at our guide to the best sex toys for couples.

Extended Foreplay as the Underrated Option

Most couples underestimate this one. Not because it’s new information, but because it’s easy to treat foreplay as a preamble rather than an experience worth designing in its own right.

The shift is simple: instead of treating foreplay as a warm-up with a predetermined endpoint, treat it as the main event for a session. Set an actual timer if it helps, 20 or 30 minutes of touch, kissing, oral, or massage with an explicit agreement that intercourse isn’t the goal tonight.

What tends to happen is that both people become more attentive and more present. When there’s no destination, you actually notice the journey. Many couples report that sessions structured this way produce more intense arousal than their usual approach precisely because the anticipation has more space to build.

It also removes performance pressure in a way that few other techniques do. Nobody has to perform or “finish” anything. The experience is its own measure of success.

If you’re looking for specific techniques to extend and vary foreplay, our foreplay ideas guide goes into considerably more detail.

Related Guides

If any of the areas above caught your attention, these guides go deeper:

• Best Sex Toys for Couples, a full breakdown of products by type, use case, and experience level.
• Foreplay Ideas That Actually Work, specific techniques and how to introduce them.
• How to Talk About Sex With Your Partner, if the conversation itself is the stuck point, this is a good place to start.
• Spicing Up Your Sex Life: A Practical Guide, a broader overview for couples looking to shift their routine.

FAQ

How do you bring up trying new things with your partner without it feeling awkward?

Pick a neutral moment outside the bedroom, a walk or dinner works well. Frame it as curiosity, not criticism: “I’d love to try X with you” lands better than “we never do anything new.” A yes/no/maybe list is a low-pressure way to find overlap before any conversation even starts.

What are the easiest new things to try in bed for beginners?

A blindfold is the most beginner-friendly starting point, it costs almost nothing and reliably intensifies sensation. Extended foreplay with no goal of intercourse, trying a new location in your home, or introducing a simple vibrator are all low-stakes, high-reward starting points for couples new to spicing things up.

Do sex toys really help couples who want to try new things?

Yes. Sex toys introduce focused stimulation that hands alone can’t replicate, and the act of choosing one together often sparks useful conversation. Sexologist Carol Queen notes that any toy can be a couples’ toy, the key is choosing something that feels low-pressure for both partners, not something that feels like a test.

What is a safe word and do you actually need one?

A safe word is a pre-agreed signal, usually a single word like “red” or “pineapple”, that means stop immediately, no questions asked. You need one any time you’re exploring power dynamics, restraint, or anything where a normal “stop” might be ambiguous. For vanilla exploration it’s optional, but always worth having.

How often should couples try something new in bed?

There’s no magic number. Research suggests that novelty matters more than frequency, one genuinely new experience every few weeks does more for long-term desire than constant small tweaks. The goal is staying curious about each other, not checking off a list.