A Couple’s Guide to Choosing Sex Toys Together

Why choosing together actually matters

Shopping for sex toys solo is easy. Shopping as a couple takes a bit more thought, and that’s exactly what makes it worthwhile. The process of deciding together, talking about what you’re each curious about, and agreeing on something you both feel good about does something the toy itself can’t: it opens a channel of communication that most couples don’t use nearly enough.

A 2022 meta-analysis covering 93 studies and nearly 40,000 participants found that sexual communication is the single strongest predictor of sexual satisfaction, and that quality of those conversations matters more than frequency. You don’t need twelve deep talks. One honest one is worth more.

Beyond the research, there’s a practical point: what you enjoy solo is often different from what works with a partner. A toy that’s perfect for solo use might feel intrusive or awkward during partnered sex if it wasn’t chosen with both people in mind. Choosing together means you’re selecting for the right context from the start.

Have the conversation first

The conversation matters more than the purchase. Here’s how to have it without it feeling like a formal review meeting.

Pick the right moment

Don’t bring it up in bed. That specific timing, mid-intimacy or immediately after, almost always lands wrong, even if that’s not the intention. It can read as “I’m not satisfied right now,” regardless of what you actually mean. A relaxed moment over coffee, on a walk, or while doing something low-stakes works far better. The lack of pressure makes it easier for both people to be honest.

Frame it as curiosity, not a fix

There’s a meaningful difference between “I want to try something new with you” and “I think we need to spice things up.” The first is an invitation. The second implies something’s broken. Lead with what you’re curious about, not what you think is missing.

Ask actual questions

Vague openings tend to get vague answers. More specific questions get somewhere. Try: “Would you be open to trying a toy that we both use at the same time?” or “Is there something you’ve been curious about but haven’t said?” Giving your partner a specific thing to respond to is easier than asking them to conjure something from scratch.

Accept that preferences differ

Your partner’s answer might surprise you. That’s fine. The goal of the conversation isn’t to confirm that you already agree, it’s to find out where you actually stand so you can make a choice that works for both of you, not just one.

Types of couples toys explained

Not all sex toys are built with two people in mind. These categories are specifically designed for, or well-suited to, partnered use.

Wearable vibrators

These are designed to be worn during penetrative sex, stimulating both partners simultaneously. The We-Vibe Chorus is the most cited example in this category: its C-shaped design targets the G-spot internally and the clitoris externally, while a squeezable remote lets either partner control intensity. Many of these can also be controlled via app, which makes them popular for couples in long-distance situations.

The main thing to know going in: fit varies by body type, and some wearables require a bit of trial and error to find the right position. That’s normal, not a defect.

Vibrating cock rings

A good entry point for couples who want something simple and non-intimidating. A vibrating cock ring sits at the base of the penis and delivers vibration to both partners during sex. Body-safe silicone versions with multiple speeds are easy to find at most price points. One practical note from buyers: not every cock ring fits every body comfortably, so if the first one doesn’t work well, it’s worth trying a different size or style. They’re also not meant for extended wear, 20 to 30 minutes is the standard guidance.

Suction and clitoral vibrators

Not specifically designed as “couples” toys, but widely used that way. A suction vibrator like the Satisfyer Pro 2 can be incorporated into foreplay or used by a partner during sex. The Satisfyer Pro 2 in particular has one of the longest review track records in the category, and its low price point makes it a low-risk first purchase.

Prostate vibrators

The prostate is an often-overlooked erogenous zone for people with penises, and toys like the LELO Hugo are designed specifically for it. It comes with a remote, rechargeable via USB, and offers strong vibrations. According to buyer reviews on theknot.com, one user described it as “the best toy I’ve ever bought” after initial hesitation about the price. For couples where one partner is curious about prostate play, this is the category to explore.

Intimacy games and kits

Not a vibrator or a wearable, but worth mentioning. Card games, dice sets, and intimacy prompt kits lower the barrier to entry for couples who want to explore but aren’t ready to jump straight to a toy. They can also be a good way to surface preferences that feed into a future toy purchase.

What to look for in materials and build quality

The toy’s material is more important than most people realize, and it’s something manufacturers don’t always make easy to assess at a glance.

Safe materials

Medical-grade silicone, borosilicate glass, and stainless steel are the three materials consistently recommended by sex educators and health professionals. They are non-porous (bacteria can’t get in), easy to clean, and don’t off-gas chemicals. If a product listing says “body-safe” but doesn’t name the specific material, that’s worth investigating before you buy.

Avoid anything described as “jelly,” “rubber,” or “PVC.” These materials can contain phthalates, are porous, and degrade over time. They’re cheaper to manufacture, which is why they show up in budget products, but they’re not worth the trade-off.

Charging vs. batteries

USB-rechargeable toys are generally a better long-term investment than battery-powered ones. They’re more consistent in power delivery, cheaper to run, and the better brands include magnetic charging cables that keep the product waterproof. According to theknot.com’s expert guidance, USB-rechargeable items are specifically recommended over “trendy, disposable” alternatives.

Waterproofing

A waterproof toy is easier to clean thoroughly, which matters for hygiene. IPX7 is the most common waterproofing standard you’ll see listed, it means the toy can be submerged up to 1 meter for 30 minutes. That’s sufficient for cleaning in the sink and for use in the bath or shower.

Noise level

Relevant if privacy matters to you. Manufacturers don’t always publish noise levels, but user reviews are reliable on this point. Suction toys tend to be quieter than traditional vibrators at equivalent power levels. Check recent reviews rather than product copy for honest assessments.

Buy from reputable sources

Counterfeit sex toys are a genuine issue, particularly for high-profile products. Buying directly from the brand or from a recognized retailer is the safest way to know you’re getting what you paid for.

Five toys worth knowing about

These aren’t ranked, different couples will find different options more relevant depending on what they’re looking for. Each entry draws on specs, manufacturer information, and aggregated buyer feedback.

We-Vibe Chorus

Widely described as the gold standard for wearable couples vibrators. The C-shape design allows it to be worn during penetrative sex, stimulating both G-spot and clitoris simultaneously. The squeezable remote is a genuinely clever detail: squeeze harder, vibrations increase. It also connects via app for partner or long-distance control. The learning curve with the app and the price are the two most common hesitations in buyer reviews.

Best for: Couples who want hands-free stimulation during sex and don’t mind spending on something built to last.

Skip if: You’re looking for a low-cost first toy, or you’re not interested in app-connected features.

LELO Tiani Duo

A dual-motor vibrator designed to deliver stimulation to both partners at the same time. It comes with a SenseMotion remote, tilting the remote changes the vibration pattern. According to buyer feedback on theknot.com, fit is generally good but can slip depending on position. That’s a consistent theme with wearables across the board, not specific to this product.

Best for: Couples drawn to LELO’s build quality who want a dual-stimulation wearable.

Skip if: Position variety is important to you and you don’t want to manage fit during sex.

Satisfyer Pro 2

One of the most reviewed suction vibrators on the market. The manufacturer describes it as using pressure wave technology rather than direct vibration against the clitoris. Buyers consistently mention fast results, the “within a minute” claim appears frequently in real reviews. At its price point, it’s a low-risk entry into the suction category.

Best for: Couples wanting to add clitoral stimulation to foreplay or sex without a large investment.

Skip if: You’re specifically looking for a toy both partners feel during penetrative sex simultaneously.

LELO Hugo

A prostate vibrator with remote control and strong motors. According to the manufacturer, it’s fully rechargeable via cable and waterproof. Buyer reviews note the remote makes it easier for a partner to be involved. The price is high, but multiple long-term buyers describe it as worth the cost. For couples where prostate stimulation is something one partner wants to explore, this is the most consistently well-reviewed option in the category.

Best for: Couples where one partner is curious about prostate play and wants something purpose-built rather than improvised.

Skip if: Budget is a primary concern, or neither partner has any interest in that type of stimulation.

Vibrating cock ring (body-safe silicone)

The easiest category to start with. A silicone vibrating cock ring with multiple speeds costs a fraction of the toys above, involves both partners during sex, and has virtually no learning curve. The main practical note: sizing varies between products, and different ring styles fit differently. If the first one isn’t comfortable, try a different fit before writing the category off. Don’t wear for more than 20-30 minutes at a time.

Best for: Couples who want a simple, affordable first toy that doesn’t require much setup or explanation.

Skip if: You’re looking for something more targeted or feature-rich.

Common mistakes and how to avoid them

Introducing it during sex

Timing matters. Reaching for a new toy mid-intimacy, without prior conversation, almost always creates an awkward pause at minimum. At worst, it signals to your partner that something is lacking right now. The same toy, introduced after a relaxed conversation beforehand, lands entirely differently.

Giving it as a surprise gift

A sex toy as an unsolicited gift is a genuinely risky move. Without context, the message it sends is unpredictable. One person receives it as “fun and thoughtful.” Another receives it as “they’re not happy with our sex life.” You can’t control which interpretation lands. Have the conversation first, then shop together, even if the purchase itself ends up being one person’s call.

Buying based on appearance alone

Packaging and design are polished across the industry. A sleek-looking toy made from poor materials is still a poor toy. Check the listed material, look for USB rechargeability, and read recent buyer reviews before committing.

Treating it as a one-time experiment

A toy only works well if both people feel comfortable with it, and that sometimes takes more than one try. If something doesn’t land immediately, talk about it. The conversation after is as useful as the one before.

Assuming what worked solo will work together

Solo preferences don’t always translate to partnered use. A toy that’s perfect on its own might feel awkward during sex because of angle, position, or timing. Choose specifically for the shared context, not the solo one.

Related guides

If you found this guide useful, these related resources go deeper on specific categories:

• Best vibrators: a complete guide to types, features, and what buyers say
• Wearable vibrators for couples: how they work and what to expect
• Prostate toys explained: a beginner’s guide for couples
• Sex toy materials guide: what’s safe and what to avoid

FAQ

What are the best sex toys for couples to start with?

Wearable vibrators like the We-Vibe Chorus and vibrating cock rings are popular first choices because they involve both partners simultaneously. Suction vibrators like the Satisfyer Pro 2 are also widely recommended for couples who want to focus on clitoral stimulation during partnered sex.

How do you introduce sex toys into a relationship without it feeling awkward?

Bring it up outside the bedroom, during a casual conversation rather than mid-intimacy. Frame it as something you want to explore together, not a fix for something missing. Experts consistently note that timing the conversation wrong (in the moment) can unintentionally signal dissatisfaction to a partner.

What materials are safest for sex toys?

Medical-grade silicone, glass, and stainless steel are the safest options. They are non-porous, easy to clean, and body-safe. Avoid toys made from jelly, rubber, or PVC, as these can contain phthalates and are harder to sanitize properly.

Can sex toys improve a couple’s relationship?

Research suggests they can. Shared sexual exploration is linked to higher intimacy and relationship satisfaction. Toys can shift focus away from performance and toward mutual pleasure, which many couples find reduces pressure and opens up honest communication about what they enjoy.

How much should a couple spend on their first sex toy?

A solid first toy typically costs between and. Budget options exist, but very cheap toys often use lower-quality materials and motors. Spending a bit more on a reputable brand usually means better build quality, USB charging, and a warranty, worth it for something you’ll use regularly.